Jessica Harper Uncanceled

I woke up this morning with that little excited feeling you get in your stomach sometimes. You know, when you’ve got something good to do that day and it takes you a couple of moments to remember what it is?

On this occasion, I recalled that the previous evening I had removed a frozen loaf from the freezer and that meant that I now had that much more space in the compartment. You might think that’s silly but I got two DiGiorno pizzas and a Sara Lee cheesecake in there. Beat that.

I think my point – as far as I ever have one anyway – is that you can be very easily pleased as you enter middle age.

Just a nice musty secondhand book is all I ask, really. I’m not the only one: most mornings I come into the coffee shop in Savannah, Georgia, where I am now seated (I live in a nearby town) and there are always the same two middle-aged guys chatting away. One of them always has a new book, which is heartening as you can tell he’s bought them new, not from a charity shop. As an author I approve. The consolations of literature.

You always see the same people in here. There’s Bible Guy, who’s always reading some really big religious book, and then there’s Boxing Guy, who used to be a pro fighter in the Czech Republic and is now a personal trainer. And then there are the strange new breed: people who hold their business meetings in coffee shops.

I saw eight people here recently, all in suits. The boss was saying right, bad news guys, the FDA has not licensed our drug, so that’s five years of work down the drain. We expect the share price to tank tomorrow so it’s ABSOLUTELY ESSENTIAL THAT WORD OF THIS DOES NOT LEAK OUT.”

Sheesh. I could have made a killing by shorting that stock but a) it’s unethical and b) I think the SEC would have been knocking at my door.

I’ve even heard people having their appraisals in coffee shops. “Well, Ryan, for performance I’ve ticked “piss poor”. I mean, what was that stunt with the cheese grater and the boxer shorts on your head? I don’t think it did anything to – as you put it – shake Ellen out of her depression’.”

I say leave the humble workers some dignity. Keep this stuff in the office, not in Savannah’s coffee shops.

One thing I miss about not working in an office any more is when people bring candy back from their exotic vacations and share them out.

“Ah, so Jenny has come back from Egypt, let’s try this chocolate. (BITES IN, ALBEIT TENTATIVELY) Mmmm, it tastes like… fish. Delicious. What else has she brought us? Ah yes, some nice Egyptian potato chips… THAT WERE FRIED IN WHISKEY! Thanks, Jen!”

Ah, vacation sweets. Looks like a cookie, tastes like a sausage. Looks like a chocolate liqueur, is actually filled with sour milk.

Okay, maybe I don’t miss that aspect of office life very much.

That’s it from me. I’m still busy preparing for the launch of my book, Jessica Harper Is Not Woke, which is set in Truvy City, a fictional place with perhaps more than a passing resemblance to Savannah. My publisher Avenue of the Americas Media has given out a hundred review copies in paperback and two hundred in e-book so fingers crossed that folks like it.

If you’d like a Kindle version, ask me in the comments and I will gift you one. I’m kind of proud of the book and hope it’s got a lotta laughs in it. It’s out July 31 and can be pre-ordered here.

Me me me me. Who cares, right lol?

Thanks for reading.

Til next time

J x